I wrote this up for my beloved Global Voices contributors (i.e. my job), but it applies equally to anyone authoring content on a WP site with the IA plugin running. If you are the admin for a publisher that cares about having your FB users see up-to-date versions of your content, maybe you should share it with your authors too ? ⁉
It was a big project getting Amber to handle our 100k post archive, but the satisfaction of having a tool like this be part of my job is exactly why I cherish working for GV. It’s a bit of a love note to GV, The Internet Archive, and the whole endeavor of preserving the web both socially and technologically ?
I love the expressions “gender disobedience” and “gender disobedient” as alternatives to “gender non-conformity”. They are great for describing queerness and transness from the perspective of people who intentionally subvert gender norms.
This post is me google prospecting on the term “Gender disobedience” because I found no interesting results and thought the concept needed a homepage. I hope my thoughts on the subject are interesting to you, especially if you yourself happen to be gender disobedient. To read more about me and my particular gender check out About Jer and Gender.
In praise of gender non-conformity
If you are careful to do things expected of your gender, or just happen to, you are “gender conforming”. If you do things that aren’t expected of your gender, for any reason, you are “gender non-conforming”.
Gender non-conformity is an essential concept because it’s so unspecific about the reasons or details. It’s needed when you don’t know someone’s gender or gender presentation goals.
Many people identify as “GNC” as an identity or attribute, especially because it can describe both cis and trans people across all genders.
Gender non-conforming is also an important label for those who consider themselves cisgender, yet behave in ways associated with other genders.
The only thing I don’t like about “gender non-conforming”, for myself, is that it can also describe people who do it unintentionally, or naturally without any particular agency. I don’t just happen to be non-conforming, I put effort into my disobedience.
I am gender disobedient
I love “gender disobedient” as a label because it feels like the active form of non-conformity. Disobedience is something I do, not just something I am.
I reject the common gender system as it exists today, and I want to subvert it with my own style and behavior. I accept that the rules exist, but refuse to abidethem.
Disobedience in other parts of life can be dangerous, and obeying is important for everyone’s safety, but when it comes to gender presentation, I think breaking the rules is safe and wholesome.
Not all rules were meant to be broken, but some of them must be.
My gender is non-binary, which means I am neither male nor female, the two states possible in the gender binary. I identify as agender, which means I do not believe in my own gender and/or don’t have one. Both of these mean I am genderqueer, because they are weird.
I was assigned male at birth (AMAB) with the name Jeremy and the pronouns he/him. I feel like I have been failing my male assignment my whole life and have decided to drop the class.
Jer is my real name. Most people call me that and it makes me happy. Jer is also much more gender neutral than Jeremy so it’s important to me that Jer is considered my full name.
Please use they/them as my pronouns to talk about me in the third person rather than he/him. Usually you should just say “Jer” instead of he or him and “Jer’s” instead of his like “I say Jer’s name the first time I mention them in a sentence.”
I will not be mad if you forget and I am happy to answer questions if anyone has them. I’m hoping you will accept me as I am and do your best to respect my identity.
This shouldn’t be a huge shock to my friends
If you know me well, this information is probably both news and ancient history. Here are some things that most of my friends take for granted:
You should call me “Jer”, it’s shorter, it’s more fun and it’s what I prefer.
I don’t fit into masculine stereotypes about most things.
I often come off as a gay man and love it when people mistake me for one.
I also wish I was a lesbian.
I’m a raging feminist and SJW about almost everything.
I wish everyone was gender neutral.
I’ve never felt like I am a real man, or wanted to be one.
Maybe that last one is a bit heavier than most conversations get, but it’s been true since university, when I learned that gender and sex didn’t have to mean the same thing.
At the time no one told me about non-binary, genderqueer or agender as identities I could have for myself, just the option of being binary-female if I wanted. That option didn’t and doesn’t have much appeal to me, it would just be another kind of drag like the male drag I’ve been doing my whole life.
Recently I’ve been reading about gender and the different labels and definitions people use to describe themselves. The more I read about gender non-conforming people, the more I realized I was reading about myself.
What makes me non-binary?
This list isn’t necessary, but I’m including it for anyone curious what, in particular, being genderqueer means in my own life.
When people say “him“, “guy” or even “Jeremy” about me, it reminds me that my internal understanding of myself doesn’t match how people think of me.
When people use male language like “handsome” to describe me, it feels inaccurate.
When people use female or unspecific language like “beautiful” it makes me feel good.
I tried growing my hair so it would look more feminine and I love it.
I tried nail polish for a goth party and loved it so much I wear it most of the time now.
I tried dresses and skirts and it made me feel really happy.
I don’t know how I will present in the future, but you can expect me to do things that “men shouldn’t do” with my fashion, grooming, behavior and everything else. This is okay both because I’m not a man, and because men can do anything they want whether they are trans or not.
Maybe in the long run I’ll seem “normal” and everyone will assume I’m a man, maybe I’ll be perfect neutral androgynous and everyone will be confused. It seems very unlikely, but maybe I’ll get to a point where people think I’m a woman.
Either way I suspect I will always be non-binary inside, and I plan to live that reality in public.
Thank you for your attention if you’ve read through all of this, and for any understanding and patience you can bring to the challenge of honoring my identity and wishes.
This is an open letter to Facebook because their feedback system is very limited (no room for detail) and I’d rather have a public place I can link to with full details. If you work for Facebook, please tell me who I can talk to that has the power to change infrastructure details like this. If you don’t work for Facebook but know a good place I can share this important information, please point me in the right direction.
EDIT 2018-02: Somehow this bug persists! Despite multiple attempts by Facebook to fix it, multiple sysadmins are still experiencing the problem of FB bots visiting with no user agent. Even worse, it seems that same bot has a new bug in it, where it sends dozens/hundreds of visits in a short period, effectively generating a DDOS attack with no UA accountability! Obviously this is totally unacceptable, and it’s time for Facebook to do whatever it takes to fix this bug. You can read my most recent ticket on the “Facebook for Developers: Support” bug tracker (and leave a comment saying how you believe this needs to be fixed) here: Facebook HTTP media fetcher has no User Agent
EDIT 2017-08: In the end I DID find the correct place to post a technical bug to Facebook, and created a ticket about this problem with the empty user agents. I got a decent reply from them where they accepted that the problem is real and stated their intention to fix it in February 2017. As of August 2017, they claim to have fixed the problem, but unfortunately I was able to find more examples of the problem in my logs after they closed the ticket as fixed. Hopefully it will start working soon, and I’ll update this again. Below is the original post, which assumes the problem persists.
TL;DR: Avoid the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” because they are inherently gendered and exclude many people’s reality. “Romantic Companion” is a good alternative that works across gender and relationship types.
Since I got hints of gender theory at university it’s bothered me that there are no great gender-neutral words to describe casual or semi-committed relationships. I wanted to quickly describe my “girlfriend” in relation to myself without referring to her gender or whether I was queer (I like to keep people on their toes).