It may seem odd, but there is something incredibly distressing to me about XXXChurch.com, the Number One Christian Porn Site. It’s not because I find Jesus themed pornography unnapealing (though I probably would), because there is no pornography there, only funk-styled missioning to teens who want to wack off, but shouldn’t because the J-Dot said that was a bad idea a couple of millenia ago.
Now as much as I’d like to say that this site annoys me because it’s stupid and cheesy, or that anyone who takes it seriously should have some sense tarred and feathered into them, I think the real reason it bugs me so much is that it actually kind of sold itself to me. The sleek and cool design (though riddled with semantically-incorrect table layout) makes me want to keep looking, and the ideas they put forward are good ones in the battle against masturbation.
I mean, I’ve been 13 and Catholic before. I’ve discovered to my dismay that my fifth grade teacher lied and it is not okay to touch yourself like that. At least, according to the bible (Matthew 5:29-30, on the interpretation of the Catholic church). So I understand the urge to try to be as pure as possible, and if I had seen something like this site at the time, I may have actually had a serious go at it (and not just days when I’d make random assertions that lasted a few hours).
Even now there’s a certain appeal to the whole situation. There’s something zen about any kind of self-denial of a base and instinctual need, and like vegetarianism or straight-edgedness, not looking at porn has a certain success-appeal.
One of the most interesting aspects of the site is a piece of “accountability software” that these guys developed that scans your computer’s history folder and saves any site names that it finds conspicuous (“http://youngnshaved.com/ripeforpikn/666/5.jpg” anyone?) and sends them in an email to a friend responsible for keeping you in line. This seems like it could be fun even if you love porn. If only there was a version for mac I’d make it a mass email to all the faithful readers.
The point of all this is of course that I have arbitrarily decided to become a vegetarian again, and have also sworn off candy (which I have started eating obsessively) and porn (also, eating obsessively). This will be the summer of non-stop excitement.
(Forgive the descent into journal bloggery, it won’t happen again. I promise.)
(also, as regards the slogan “jesus loves porn stars”, I thought that Jesus just loved porn.)