[Note: No spoilers ahead, feel safe]
Just came out of a Mix96 (ugh, FM-Radio. I boo’ed at the announcer) free screening of Cloverfield, a kind of Blair Witch Project v. Godzilla handheld video camera mashup featuring all our favorite shots from the only good disaster movie we’ve seen lately, 9-11 (it takes place in New York and involves several buildings falling down or being struck by things).
The marketing behind the movie involved trailers that gave away that there was a disaster but not what, and posters with the intensely cheezy slogan ‘What is Cloverfield?’.
Well I’ve seen it now, and I can tell you what Cloverfield is: it’s the revolting, nauseating feeling you get in your stomach while watching all the maddeningly shaky handheld shots that compose the entire film. It makes Blair Witch look like it was shot with a steadycam. They must have given the actors direction like “good shot, but try shaking it more, we want the audience to feel distressed!”. Dozens of people left the theatre as the movie went on, which was good, because my friends and I needed to get farther from the screen to avoid vomiting in our free cloverfield branded gas-station mugs.
Some other things that Cloverfield is:
- The feeling you get after 5 hours in a dirty school bus on a sunny day.
- Too many kinds of alcohol in one night.
- Some milk that didn’t smell that bad…
Anyway, you get the idea.
The plot, acting and special effects were all amazing by the way. You really feel like the situation is believable if only because the characters have no idea what’s going on, which is how real life works in my experience. But if you’re going to see it, find the smallest screen available and get as far as possible from it before hitting play. (IMPORTANT: DO NO SIT AT THE FRONT OF THE THEATRE! GET A REFUND AND SEE SOMETHING ELSE IF THERES NO GOOD SEATS! 3/4 OF US COULDN’T HANDLE IT, AND WE’RE BADASS!).