Category: Politics

Posted on

Gender Disobedience and Disobedients

I love the expressions “gender disobedience” and “gender disobedient” as alternatives to “gender non-conformity”. They are great for describing queerness and transness from the perspective of people who intentionally subvert gender norms.

This post is me google prospecting on the term “Gender disobedience” because I found no interesting results and thought the concept needed a homepage.  I hope my thoughts on the subject are interesting to you, especially if you yourself happen to be gender disobedient. To read more about me and my particular gender check out About Jer and Gender.

Protest sign saying Gender Liberty For All with the trans logo
Disobey all the conformities. Photo and sign by me.

In praise of gender non-conformity

If you are careful to do things expected of your gender, or just happen to, you are “gender conforming”. If you do things that aren’t expected of your gender, for any reason, you are “gender non-conforming”.

Gender non-conformity is an essential concept because it’s so unspecific about the reasons or details. It’s needed when you don’t know someone’s gender or gender presentation goals.

Many people identify as “GNC” as an identity or attribute, especially because it can describe both cis and trans people across all genders.

Gender non-conforming is also an important label for those who consider themselves cisgender, yet behave in ways associated with other genders.

The only thing I don’t like about “gender non-conforming”, for myself, is that it can also describe people who do it unintentionally, or naturally without any particular agency. I don’t just happen to be non-conforming, I put effort into my disobedience.

I am gender disobedient

I love “gender disobedient” as a label because it feels like the active form of non-conformity. Disobedience is something I do, not just something I am. 

I reject the common gender system as it exists today, and I want to subvert it with my own style and behavior. I accept that the rules exist, but refuse to abide them.

 Disobedience in other parts of life can be dangerous, and obeying is important for everyone’s safety, but when it comes to gender presentation, I think breaking the rules is safe and wholesome.

Not all rules were meant to be broken, but some of them must be.

Gender norms burden and oppress us.

DISOBEY THE CISHETEROPATRIARCHY!

Posted on

About Jer and Gender

TL;DR My name is Jer and I am not a man

My gender is non-binary, which means I am neither male nor female, the two states possible in the gender binary. I identify as agender, which means I do not believe in my own gender and/or don’t have one. Both of these mean I am genderqueer, because they are weird.

I was assigned male at birth (AMAB) with the name Jeremy and the pronouns he/him. I feel like I have been failing my male assignment my whole life and have decided to drop the class.

Jer is my real name. Most people call me that and it makes me happy. Jer is also much more gender neutral than Jeremy so it’s important to me that Jer is considered my full name. 

Please use they/them as my pronouns to talk about me in the third person rather than he/him. Usually you should just say “Jer” instead of he or him and “Jer’s” instead of his like “I say Jer’s name the first time I mention them in a sentence.”

I will not be mad if you forget and I am happy to answer questions if anyone has them. I’m hoping you will accept me as I am and do your best to respect my identity.

This shouldn’t be a huge shock to my friends

If you know me well, this information is probably both news and ancient history. Here are some things that most of my friends take for granted:

  • You should call me “Jer”, it’s shorter, it’s more fun and it’s what I prefer.
  • I don’t fit into masculine stereotypes about most things.
  • I often come off as a gay man and love it when people mistake me for one.
  • I also wish I was a lesbian.
  • I’m a raging feminist and SJW about almost everything.
  • I wish everyone was gender neutral.
  • I’ve never felt like I am a real man, or wanted to be one.

Maybe that last one is a bit heavier than most conversations get, but it’s been true since university, when I learned that gender and sex didn’t have to mean the same thing.

At the time no one told me about non-binary, genderqueer or agender as identities I could have for myself, just the option of being binary-female if I wanted. That option didn’t and doesn’t have much appeal to me, it would just be another kind of drag like the male drag I’ve been doing my whole life.

Recently I’ve been reading about gender and the different labels and definitions people use to describe themselves. The more I read about gender non-conforming people, the more I realized I was reading about myself.

What makes me non-binary?

This list isn’t necessary, but I’m including it for anyone curious what, in particular, being genderqueer means in my own life.

  • When people say “him“, “guy” or even “Jeremy” about me, it reminds me that my internal understanding of myself doesn’t match how people think of me.
  • When people use male language like “handsome” to describe me, it feels inaccurate.
  • When people use female or unspecific language like “beautiful” it makes me feel good.
  • I tried growing my hair so it would look more feminine and I love it.
  • I tried nail polish for a goth party and loved it so much I wear it most of the time now.
  • I tried dresses and skirts and it made me feel really happy.

I don’t know how I will present in the future, but you can expect me to do things that “men shouldn’t do” with my fashion, grooming, behavior and everything else. This is okay both because I’m not a man, and because men can do anything they want whether they are trans or not.

Maybe in the long run I’ll seem “normal” and everyone will assume I’m a man, maybe I’ll be perfect neutral androgynous and everyone will be confused. It seems very unlikely, but maybe I’ll get to a point where people think I’m a woman.

Either way I suspect I will always be non-binary inside, and I plan to live that reality in public.

Thank you for your attention if you’ve read through all of this, and for any understanding and patience you can bring to the challenge of honoring my identity and wishes.

Readings

agender pride flag
Agender pride flag from Wikimedia
Posted on

Say “Romantic Companion” instead of Boyfriend or Girlfriend

TL;DR: Avoid the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” because they are inherently gendered and exclude many people’s reality. “Romantic Companion” is a good alternative that works across gender and relationship types. 

In love - Dublin, Ireland - Black and white street photography

Since I got hints of gender theory at university it’s bothered me that there are no great gender-neutral words to describe casual or semi-committed relationships. I wanted to quickly describe my “girlfriend” in relation to myself without referring to her gender or whether I was queer (I like to keep people on their toes).

Continue reading “Say “Romantic Companion” instead of Boyfriend or Girlfriend”

Posted on

Men’s rights activists: Stop.

Stop saying you’re not feminists, you are. Unless you think women aren’t as good as men, or that they don’t deserve the same chances, you believe in the premise of feminism. Saying you’re not feminists makes you sound like idiots, liars or misogynists.

Stop saying you’re “egalitarian” as if it’s mutually exclusive with feminism, that’s ridiculous. Women’s rights is an obvious and perpetual facet of any sensible mission to make all people equal. Your toxic stubbornness to accept multiple labels is literally making “equality” a bad word. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Stop seeking out feminists that make you upset. You don’t need to agree with them and they definitely don’t need to prove anything to you. You invented the “feminazi” then proceeded to breed them with your narcissistic, hateful and inexplicably violent comments. If you can’t find respect and empathy for someone’s views leave them alone, you’ll feel better and they won’t hate us all so much.

Most of all, stop blaming women for your problems. Stop deluding yourselves that you aren’t the luckiest humans in history to even be having this conversation. Yes, men are also bullied, stereotyped and raped, no one is saying they aren’t. We can all work together on these issues that affect everyone, but only if you accept responsibility for the completely unequal situation we find ourselves in.

Try making something out of love instead of hate. Try speaking from a position of empathy rather than conviction. Try assuming the best from feminists, then watch how easy it becomes to find fair, “reasonable” women that don’t mind talking to you.

P.S. It’s time to learn what “cisgender” means.

Posted on

Mourning the Canadian Census

In the early new millennium Canadian history was being erased by never having been recorded. Against a unified opposition the dominant Conservative party halted the mandatory census, citing privacy concerns.

The decades-long civic research project was recast as optional and no data was collected to match previous census results. It took years for the effects to be felt because the timeframe was so long, but researchers started missing the data, relying on out of date results from past censuses.

We will never get back these years of knowledge even if the census is rescued, meaning we can never accurately assess the effects of Conservative policy on Canadians.

The Harper legacy will be a black hole.

Al Jazeera: What happened when Canada stopped counting its numbers

Voices-Voix: Statistics Canada (mandatory long-form census)

Proudly powered by WordPress