More Hummer Fun

Posted by jeremyclarke on September 10, 2007 · General

Crashed hummerEntertaining article in the Globe and Mail about the abuse Hummer owners have come to suffer at the hands of people like myself who find them horrible and insulting to the idea of moving humans around. Mostly the tone is neutral bordering on defensive, it’s fun to hear people trying to justify their ridiculous purchases to themselves. Best quote hands down (though I can’t believe they printed this in the paper, isn’t it a legally actionable threat?):

“A hippie guy and girl were crossing the street in front of my vehicle when the guy pulled down his pants and mooned me in the middle of the street,” says Mr. DeRisio, who ignored the young man until he doffed his trousers once more.

“The second time I slammed the gas pedal down and chased him down the sidewalk with my truck,” Mr. DeRisio says.

“He ran so fast it was like the doors just opened at a Grateful Dead concert and he had general admission seats. I slowed down and let him catch his breath, and rolled down the window and explained to him the next time he did something like that he would be eating granola bars through a straw.”

Link to the article.

Also, on the subject of the Cadillac Escalade and the Ford Expedition, SUV/Trucks which apparently have worse mileage than the Hummer: If you are driving them just to look badass, you are an asshole. Anyone driving a car that gets sub-optimum mileage in general, or that is not compact in the city, is an asshole. At least the Escalade and Expedition have somewhat useful shapes/layouts, so that contractors, technicians and DIYers can use them to lug big messy things around without buying a giant truck (which is obviously worse if you just needed a small truck). A hummer is not useful for anything except combat situations and swamps, and last time I checked, the gang violence at the St-Laurent club scene isn’t that bad.

(unrelated pathetic image found here, article courtesy of dad)

Posted by jeremyclarke on September 10, 2007 · General

5 Comments

  1. Bonnie

    I wasn’t able to spend a lot of time looking over your entire site but ran across this entry regarding Hummers. I’m writing because I don’t quite understand what you have against them and other large SUV’s. They do take more gas to run, but what difference would that make to you if you don’t have one? I guess I think of it the same way any other purchaser would– you buy what you like as long as it’s affordable within your income level and personally justifiable.

    September 20th, 2007 at 8:50 pm

  2. Jeremy Clarke

    So Bonnie, there’s this thing called Global Warming, and I guess it is the reason I have a problem with Hummers, and other large SUVs.

    The thing about GAS is that it is going to make the earth fall apart, the ocean will swallow the land and the land will become a desert. It’s kind of like the end of the world, except that the world will continue, it will just suck a lot for all the humans that are trying to live on it.

    So I don’t really like it when people use cars that have more power than they need because they are bringing on the ecological apocalypse faster than people who ride bikes or use energy-efficient cars when they have to drive for some reason. Hummers are the worst symbol of this waste, so I have a special place in my heart reserved just for hating Hummers. That’s how it goes y’know. Kind of how everyone has a special place in their hearts just for hating Hitler. I mean, there are lots of other genocidal dictators from the history books that we could spend our time hating, but we choose to focus on Hitler cause we feel he’s the worst, and sometimes you just have to go with your feelings.

    Some other reasons I hate hummers:

    • They take up too much space on the road. I live in a neighboorhood with narrow roads, and Hummers take up all the space.
    • They are military vehicles and always have a dominating, violent aura. I dont’ like people who choose to ensconce themselves with violence.
    • They are a symbol of wasted affluence, which is obnoxious.

    So there you have it. Hummers are shitty asshole-mobiles that are killing our grandchildren before they are born, regardless of whether your income level lets you justify it to yourself.

    September 20th, 2007 at 11:02 pm

  3. Bonnie

    You have made your opinion clear, thank you. I’ll just follow up by saying I don’t believe in Global Warming since there is no evidence of it– only theories. Also, I believe in God so I’m not concerned about the ‘earth falling apart and the ocean swallowing the land’ because it’s not in the Bible. Opinions make the world go around– you know? None of us think exactly the same way and that’s the way we were made. The trick is learning to co-exist peacefully here on earth while we’re still here. I hope you don’t think that all Hummer owners are ‘violent’ people. I’ll tell you right now, I like the way they look and its got nothing to do with violence or the military. I like the design. I guess we can agree to disagree, huh? Peace.

    September 21st, 2007 at 4:50 am

  4. mira

    You don’t believe in global warming because “there’s no evidence of it”, but you believe in God because… there is evidence?

    I have no problem with people believing in God if they want to, but I do have a problem with people turning a blind eye to environmental disaster because it’s more convenient to dismiss the evidence and hang on to a comfortable, guilt-free lifestyle.

    And while I agree that we are all entitled to our opinions, opinions lead to specific sets of behaviors and actions, and when those actions are directly affecting the future of the planet, I for one feel personally invested in challenging the opinions that have fostered such careless actions, including the notion that people are somehow entitled to driving polluting motor vehicles.

    September 21st, 2007 at 12:26 pm

  5. Jimmy

    You just made me shed a tear, Bonnie. Seriously. I’m at work and people beside me are confused…

    I’m utterly confused, too… I really… I was hoping that… people were actually starting to pay attention to the environment. We’re FEELING IT NOW. … If you’re living in the states, you know that the coasts are going to be oceans, and that the whole central continent will be a desert in just a couple generations? … Your children’ll participate in the new Exodus, m’am. That’ll be something worthy of an epic story… to remember the billions who’re gonna die on the way….

    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 am

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